Now that I’ve exposed the sordid state of affairs that is descriptive linguistics, I have my own modest proposal for returning to the glory days of spoken English. What is the one solution that will be reasonable, practical, and above all, effective?
I go farther—ahem, further—than most of my contemporaries, wimpy prescriptivists who merely whine about the decline of the language. A state of affairs where good grammar is perceived as passé and pretentious calls for desperate action: for laypersons to take their speech seriously, they must be made to pay for their transgressions. For example, I believe that those found guilty of splitting infinitives deserve decapitation, and anyone who leaves a participle dangling ought to be hanged. Some other punishments that fit the crime (Bureau of Linguistic Corrections, take note):
From a storefront in Jackson (Hole), Wyoming
